In California, the Vague Becomes Clear

wineglass

A glass of pinot and some clarity, in California. (Arista Winery, Sonoma)

I am being coddled at the moment, as I am currently in Sonoma Valley (at the Mighty Summit), enjoying wine and the company of 28 other amazing, interesting, funny women. And as I’ve met each one and been asked the question, “And what do you do?/where do you blog?/what’s your story?” I’ve had that moment where I paused, the words all kind of jumbled in my head. What am I doing? And gee, does this actually count as blogging? And what the heck is my story?

I do then manage to spurt out the list of all the really cool, fun, interesting things I’m working on right now: BlogHerMoms, FoodieParent, this blog (occasionally), writing for Martha Stewart Living, working on my next book proposal.

And as I hear all their stories—similar hypenates and “and and and”s—I am enlivened by all the options, all the opportunities out there. The very PLENTY of it all is amazing.

So now I know I’ve turned a corner. The world is no longer this screaming blankness of WTF do I do next? Instead it’s an array of choices, a tangled assortment of pathways, a series of doors sliding open and closed, open and closed. And I’m just walking toward them all, waiting until it’s clearer what my choice will be. Or maybe just clearer that I won’t make a choice. And it will all be fine, anyway.

It’s amazing what good company does. Being surrounded by a bunch of women who have done amazing things, big and small, who are making it work by the seat of their pants, who have found success and survived failure, and, most important, who all have big, mighty hearts, has reminded me that I am one of them. And I have always been one of them, even when (maybe especially when) I was struggling to find my way.

About stacy

I am a writer, author, mother, former magazine editor (last at Redbook), optimist, and, above all, a searcher. I'm still searching for whom I'm really meant to be, after a series of very jarring losses: a divorce and house disaster that led to a book (Falling Apart In One Piece); a week after the book came out, my parents suddenly fell gravely ill, I resigned from my job (and, apparently, my career), my son went into crisis, my parents then rapidly died four weeks apart, and my boyfriend (who had moved in with me and my son just weeks before the book came out) began the painful journey of realizing we couldn't make our relationship work (that story unfolded on this blog). Since then I've been trying to figure out what's next. Or, in other words, how to fill in the blanks.
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14 Responses to In California, the Vague Becomes Clear

  1. Lindsey says:

    Oh, Stacy, so wonderful to read this! It’s encouraging and heartening. I have always struggled with what The Road is and The Answer and what the heck My Passion is, and over the last several years have found myself inching towards a philosophy that maybe all of these things are multiple and not singular, that an array is just as legitimate as a singular, central answer. Maybe I’m just a kaleidoscope, and your embrace of the “and” and “and” and plenty of it all makes me feel less alone.
    Hope you enjoy the rest of what sounds like a marvelous weekend.
    xo

  2. Katrina says:

    THANK YOU. words that I needed to read.

    • stacy says:

      And thank you both, for your support. We all need to lean on each other and see that the “definitions” we seek for ourselves are not something we need when we greet others. Namaste!

  3. anymommy says:

    It truly is amazing how inspiring women can be. (And I have no doubt you are inspiring others.) Plus, wine!

  4. Lovely. My favorite part: “Or maybe just clearer that I won’t make a choice. And it will all be fine, anyway.”

    My dad used to say, “It will all be okay… or it won’t.”
    Strangely, I found this very comforting.
    I took it as: Do your best, hope for the best, but surrender to what is to be. It’s not always in our control, or as vital as we believe. It just is. Accept. Don’t always attempt to fix it all.

    You will make a choice or you won’t… Either way, you will be just where you are meant to be. Enjoy where you are!

    ~ Meredith From A Mother Seeking A Mother Seeking…

  5. team gloria says:

    you beautiful woman.

    thank you for your kind and comforting words on our blue period post today. it was EXACTLY what we needed to have a final cry (and turn OFF nina simone 😉 and take a tiny one block radius walk, a little further each day, into the balmy sunshine.

    and now this. yes. of course. we’ve been thinking exactly that WTF nxt? and that’s not the answer. the question is out-moded. the future is a series of doors, paths and really cool gatherings with the other beautiful souls out there.

    this helped.

    letting go as we speak.

    wow.

    what a bloody incredible life this is.

    thankyouthankyouthankyou again..

    _team gloria xx

  6. An array of choices is a beautiful thing. Still trapped in my own WTF is next, for many reasons, but very pleased as your vague resolves into such wonderful clarity!

    It’s inspiring.

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  12. Jean says:

    Oh Stacy,

    Just when I think I can’t take another day, your e-mail arrives with such words of wisdom and clarity. Life really is an array of choices, a tangled assortment of pathways, a series of doors sliding open and closed, open and closed.
    Thanks to you and the other bloggers for your words of encouragement.

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