I Am Up In The Air, But You, At Least, Are Here

Pre-dawn at Dulles, just arrived from Roanoke, VA.

It’s a crazy-busy six weeks here, with business trips to CA, VA, TX, CA again, VA again and then a necessary and much-anticipated visit to my son’s only living grandparent, the lovely Grandma Barb.

So most days I’m a little upside-down-where-am-I? But I’m grateful that through the years of business-tripping I have learned how to do it well. I know my limits, know when I need to sleep, when I can or simply cannot take the red-eye home, and how much I can ask my son and his father and his almost-stepfather to do.

This week is the first week that my boyfriend is taking sole care of Zack for four days on his own. I’m nervous! But all seems to be going well. (We’re only one day in, but clearly my anxiety about this is higher than my boyfriend’sโ€”which is a perfectly fine order of things if you ask me.)

Life continues to be unsettled and up in the air. We are supposed to be moving, all of us as a family, to upstate New York at the end of the school year. But the house is not yet chosen, my apartment is not yet show-ready, the school has not been personally visited. And here I am, all over the United States, when I feel I really should be at home taking care of these very large orders of business. But I remind myself that paying the bills and doing work I completely love are two things I was not at all doing just a few months ago…. so I take a deep breath and try to be easy.

The amazing stability that I take with me everywhere I go is the internet. No, not the J.Crew storefront (my favorite place to while away 15 minutes) or my trusty email. But all of you, the women who populate my life, my browser, my Twitter, my RSS feeds, my Facebook, my internal ever-revolving landscape. I will never cease to be amazed how very real you all are, and how important a role you play in my life.

Thank you for being my stable and my secure as I fly all around the world, trying to find my safe and making a few dreams come true (for me and for others). My parents may be gone, my ex-husband in the rear-view mirror, my boyfriend uncertain about where life may take him next, but you, great Women of the Internet, are always at my side.

Namaste, and blessings to us all.

About stacy

I am a writer, author, mother, former magazine editor (last at Redbook), optimist, and, above all, a searcher. I'm still searching for whom I'm really meant to be, after a series of very jarring losses: a divorce and house disaster that led to a book (Falling Apart In One Piece); a week after the book came out, my parents suddenly fell gravely ill, I resigned from my job (and, apparently, my career), my son went into crisis, my parents then rapidly died four weeks apart, and my boyfriend (who had moved in with me and my son just weeks before the book came out) began the painful journey of realizing we couldn't make our relationship work (that story unfolded on this blog). Since then I've been trying to figure out what's next. Or, in other words, how to fill in the blanks.
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7 Responses to I Am Up In The Air, But You, At Least, Are Here

  1. Happy trails, my friend! I am happy and proud to be among your coterie of internet support. Thinking of you as you traverse the country.

    And know that when you are back home in the city for a while (and after you have peeled your son & boyfriend off of you) we will finally have our long-planned-and-many-times-rescheduled lunch together! I’m not saying we won’t be constantly checking our iPhones & sending emails during it, but at least we’ll get a little face-time in.

  2. I have been following your story since reading your book shortly after my very jarring, very blindsiding divorce — my marriage ended with a brick (a literal brick — that crazy backstory is the foundation of my blog, in fact), so I turned to strong women to provide examples of how to navigate my own crazy terrain.

    I can definitely relate to finding comfort in the constants around you: ironic that some of those constants are dynamic in nature, floating around the blogosphere, Twitterverse or that uber-vast social media cosmos. How can something so vast also be so grounding?

    Anyhow, I just wanted to share that you have more support than you probably even know — women rooting you on from all parts of the world. I’m grateful to you for providing me comfort, laughter and inspiration during my own journey; because of your example, in fact, I’m working on a book, national magazine articles, etc., and I’m confident my story can resonate with readers just like yours did for me. Something good has to come from the constant crazy — right?

    For both of us… ๐Ÿ˜‰

    Safe travels, Stacy. And thank you from the bottom of my heart for being so chock full o’ awesome!

  3. Ann says:

    Amen. We are so fortunate to float amidst this community of amazing people.

  4. Lindsey says:

    I love this – the online community has become a real, and important, anchor for me as well in a life that sometimes feels far-flung and chaotic. Save travels and good luck with the uncertainty – not my favorite thing (as you may know!). xoxo

  5. emily says:

    Thank you for your blog–it helps me ๐Ÿ™‚

  6. Thank goodness for the constancy of our communities discovered and maintained through the web. It does indeed help – a little – with the perpetual juggle we’re supposed to master – ideally, while smiling calmly.

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