“I Am Good.”
I made that my mantra for my return to a meditation practice, and I have to say, it’s been perfect. And I don’t say that word lightly, ever!
I am good. I mean good. The world is good. It’s all good. I’m good. You’re good. He’s good. It’s all meant for good. For good. The good. It’s good. I am good.
Of course, at that point in meditation the word “good” ceases to have any meaning, and the mind is just on its endless loop of letting go and letting in. But even to see words stripped of the inherent judgments we attach to them has been instructional—a potent reminder that the conversations I’m having with myself in the front of my brain are one hundred percent created by the ego and its needs. Meditation reminds me there is a whole other, larger portion of my brain that is interested in non-verbal communication and non-judgment. Oh, hello there, you! Nice to see you again! I thought you, and the sense and evenness you bring to me, were gone forever!
I am good, even when I am “bad,” when I feel bad, when I do badly. The good is the stasis, the center point.
I am once again comforted by my unimportance in the larger scheme of things. In the grand scheme of things, I am definitely good: I love, I live, I create and encourage compassion, I dare, I have passion, and I fail at doing those things no more and no less than my compatriots. I am good.
It’s amazing how just a few moments of carefully focused non-attention in the morning can let all that come pouring back in. We spend so much time making this journey of life complicated (all the reasons why we can and can’t do the things we want to do, have the things we want to have, the internal stories we write to explain our pain and put it elsewhere) and yet, so much of life is so simple—if only we can allow ourselves to be empty, for just a moment, to really feel it, and let it be so.
I won’t expect that my entire life will be completely transformed by my rediscovering this necessary practice. But keeping this gentle little feeling of “I am good” with me at all times is one hell of a consolation prize.