It is an interesting time for me right now. I am finally staring down the barrel of the upcoming move out of New York City, on my mind for years, in the works for almost two, and first written about here on this blog.
There is much to do, that checking-off-the-boxes kind of stuff: Formally list my apartment for sale? Check. Have photographer take awesome photos of said apartment? Check. Put a bid on the house I’ve been watching for more than a year in Garrison? Check. Win house. Check! Lose house. Oh, snap. That wasn’t in the plans, but a good wrench in the works reminds me that plans are drawn in stardust, not ink. Open house scheduled. New school visit and registration planned. Search for fulltime live-in caregiver commenced. Backup plan if don’t buy house in time secured (we can live in our rental, for a bit)…
A move like this seems like such a monumental thing from a distance, when in reality it’s a vision, a dream, slowly condensed into series of tasks, neatly defined and checked off—and then one day about three months from now, a big moving truck will come and we will wake up the next day somewhere strange and new that is home.
It all feels so right.
I have been wondering a few things about this move, its motives, my desired results, and as I get further into the downstream, I can feel things more clearly.
The way that I had the wind knocked out of me in 2010 left me reeling. And changed forever. (And still changing from it all, yes, still.) And I didn’t want to keep living in the shell of the life that I had had: a sparkly life, an ambitious life, a life where I was waiting for everything to fall into place, a life of forever possibility, of stir and excitement. Now my expectations are so deeply different: My parents are gone, I am older, what I want is much closer to the ground. What I want, in fact, is a literal grounding.
I am so excited about moving upstate, so looking forward to the daily embrace of trees all around, the crunch of the dirt roads, the discovery of a new rhythm and tempo. And as I get closer and closer to moving day, I can see that sometimes life changes so much—and changes you so much—you need to change the view along with it.