I Am Full, So Full

I am in transition again, my dear friends and sisters (and brothers, too; I know you’re out there). I have so many things I want to share and say, this burgeoning clarity and peace with who I am and what I expect and want from life. But it’s hard to find the time to sort out the thoughts into something approaching clarity: It’s like I am trapped in pieces of several different poems, all of them singing to me at once.

But I feel so full and good and so… open. Wide open.

I wrote this piece about the gift of loss. It takes many years for this gift to rise up out of the rubble and to be visible through the tears, but I know that this specific gift is why I feel so whole and good right now.

Life: It doesn’t make sense. Not OUR sense. But it makes sense somewhere bigger and far beyond us.

Go and read. Let me know what you think, what resonates, if anything. xo

http://tuenight.com/2014/11/being-small-is-the-greatest-escape/

About stacy

I am a writer, author, mother, former magazine editor (last at Redbook), optimist, and, above all, a searcher. I'm still searching for whom I'm really meant to be, after a series of very jarring losses: a divorce and house disaster that led to a book (Falling Apart In One Piece); a week after the book came out, my parents suddenly fell gravely ill, I resigned from my job (and, apparently, my career), my son went into crisis, my parents then rapidly died four weeks apart, and my boyfriend (who had moved in with me and my son just weeks before the book came out) began the painful journey of realizing we couldn't make our relationship work (that story unfolded on this blog). Since then I've been trying to figure out what's next. Or, in other words, how to fill in the blanks.
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7 Responses to I Am Full, So Full

  1. Anne says:

    Such a beautiful piece. One of my favorite pieces of yours that I have read. I love that you started it by saying that you can’t quantify loss because the loss you’ve personally experienced over a short course of time is pretty epic. And yet the lessons that you’ve pulled from your experience are so relatable. Thanks for sharing.

  2. Yes, this piece resonated with me enormously and not only because it was so beautifully written. I have been working towards something – triggered by an article called “Noone special to be” in the Fall issue of Tricycle magazine and some life losses – where I can be happy with who I am and what I have on a much quieter scale. Sometimes life shows us the way, sometimes it shoves us hard. I appreciate your strength.

  3. Rita says:

    Yes, Stacy: Resonating. I am too much in the thick of struggle right now to say more. I just can’t get to my words. But please know that yours matter, to me. Think of me as one of those leaves.

    • stacy says:

      Remember, my dear friend Rita: Trust Your Struggle.

      • Rita says:

        Thank you, Stacy. I’ve found myself back in a place I thought I’d left behind. A place I hate. A place that I escaped from only through great pain and sacrifice. I’m having trouble with the whole notion of trust these days, but perhaps the struggle is something I can believe in. Thank you for giving me something I might be able to grab hold of.

  4. Lindsey says:

    Oh, Stacy, this is beautiful. Over and over again, your words remind me that there is great light in darkness and that lessons are everywhere. And that I am not alone in the world. xox

  5. alexandra says:

    It’s so hard to see that when you’re in it. That pain screams louder than anything, but then the storm leaves, and we can begin to see the clouds part.

    Your words are wonderful. Thank you, Stacy.

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