The In Betweens

So I finished my first draft of a book outline — and not surprisingly, it’s not quite good yet. No, truly. That’s my agent talking, not just me. And it’s been enough weeks since I finished it, that I can see its rawness more clearly.

Turns out, writing about one’s whole life, writing about mental illness, writing about love and family and identity is hard stuff. I feel almost guilty that Falling Apart In One Piece was so easy to write.

So I’m going to step away and let the outline marinate and settle in my mind. And so I am once again looking for work, in a media world that is vastly unsettled and still changing very fast. I’m grateful for all my time in social media and digital media and working with native advertising, as it makes me fluent in the driving forces of change — but my love for the great story, the beautiful photograph, the perfectly conceived strategy to create a successful magazine is still the bedrock.

I don’t know if that work is out there for me anymore! A very humbling thought.

So I’m back to trying to decide what I want to be when I grow up. And here are some ideas: a poet, still (though I expect I’ll do that when I’m old and grey, because: money); a business, marketing and social content consultant for small, independent startups (already doing some of that); founder of a lush, provocative Hudson Valley art and literary magazine; a therapist; a life coach, though I just loathe that term….

So once again I am in the In Between, that space that is neither here nor there. My last six years has been all about that drift, and it is not at all what I expected midlife to be. But I’m grateful for my past successes, which gave me such a steady foundation and afforded me this time to try to get the book out that Must Be Written. (As my agent said: “There’s no way you’re not writing this book. Blessedly, she also said, “But these kinds of projects take time.”)

I’m a dandelion seed, blowing around on the winds of change, waiting to come up with and birth my next great idea.

About stacy

I am a writer, author, mother, former magazine editor (last at Redbook), optimist, and, above all, a searcher. I'm still searching for whom I'm really meant to be, after a series of very jarring losses: a divorce and house disaster that led to a book (Falling Apart In One Piece); a week after the book came out, my parents suddenly fell gravely ill, I resigned from my job (and, apparently, my career), my son went into crisis, my parents then rapidly died four weeks apart, and my boyfriend (who had moved in with me and my son just weeks before the book came out) began the painful journey of realizing we couldn't make our relationship work (that story unfolded on this blog). Since then I've been trying to figure out what's next. Or, in other words, how to fill in the blanks.
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2 Responses to The In Betweens

  1. Trish Sammer says:

    Reinvention can be scary … but have you ever hit one of these transition periods without walking away with incredible gifts? I doubt it. (I know I’m not telling you anything you don’t already know here …)

    I wonder if we ever totally stop reinventing? Every time I think I’ve finally nailed something, I find that it only stays nailed for so long!

  2. LegosnEggos says:

    I agree with Trish above. We’re always in flux. And it helps our perspective. Also, if you consider the importance of the subject and themes you’re endeavoring to write about, it’s no small challenge to find the right way to frame them. I’ll bet it’s daunting to be the teller of you and your mom’s story. It’s no small thing to condense a lifetime of experiences to a couple hundred pages and feel you’re doing so well. Maybe you’ll figure it out in time. Like she said, as we change, we receive gifts, and among those is clarity. Maybe just press on in any other area you’re drawn to in the meantime! Ceramics, glassblowing, photography, landscaping, chef school, who knows? But I’m sure you’d give it your best no matter what. 👍

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