Category Archives: loss

Shame

This week, my psychiatrist called the pain I am going through “eviscerating.” I felt relieved when he said that. I felt seen. I felt like it was allowed, my pain, and that he had seen it to be the ugly … Continue reading

Posted in loss, Uncategorized | Tagged | 24 Comments

The Disappeared

I just lost a post. I can’t believe I just lost a post. About loss. About all the loss, the so much loss, the almost three years of it… And I lost the post. Hit “Publish” and then it just … Continue reading

Posted in loss, Uncategorized | 5 Comments

The Ugly Cry

I came unplugged today, on the drive from my apartment in Brooklyn to my weekend rental upstate (aka my little slice of heaven). It had taken me an hour to pack up my car before I hit the road (I … Continue reading

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That Feeling In The Pit of My Stomach

So I guess I have good Spidey senses. I’ll take that as my sole comfort. Today, as my boyfriend emeritus (as I’d taken to calling him, since he still held an esteemed position even though he was no longer living … Continue reading

Posted in loss, starting over | Tagged , , | 18 Comments

A Quick Meditation On My Silence

I got an amazing comment this week: Someone came by my blog to see if I had written a new post. That simple sentence contains three gems: (1) Someone reads my blog (which I did kind of know, but still…), … Continue reading

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A beautiful day

My house is calm, dustless, serene. The breeze is blowing gently through the windows. The air from a fan I’ve put on the floor is swanning around my ankles, as the ceiling fan in the living room makes its lazy … Continue reading

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Where Is My Family?

I just spent the weekend being a tourist, wandering a very hot (but not at all humid) New York City with five of my favorite people: my son, my sister-in-law (well, ex-sister in law if you want to be all … Continue reading

Posted in loss | Tagged , , , | 11 Comments

Days Like These

Getting ready for good-bye. My boyfriend is packing up his belongings today, preparing to move out of my apartment. This is not news either of us is particularly excited about. It feels terribly unfair and uncomfortable and unreal. The cardboard … Continue reading

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The Losses That Echo, The Losses We Share

Today, an amazing woman and spirit and human being died, after battling inflammatory breast cancer for four rounds and five years: Susan Niebur, @whymommy, an astrophysicist (!) and the blogger behind Toddler Planet. I have never met Susan in person, … Continue reading

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Grief and Love During the Holidays

I’m so, so happy to say I’ve just arrived in Lake Placid, where I’ll be spending Christmas with my son and my boyfriend. There isn’t as much snow as we’d hoped (no cross-country skiing), but the trees and ground are … Continue reading

Posted in living, loss, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , | 2 Comments